I am learning to be a teacher. I am learning the techniques and developmental factors, I am learning how and why a child learns. I get to impact the development of children every single day. Every single day. My job is valuable. My job is important. My job is crucial. I should really stop underestimating my position in this world.
I often ask myself if this is really what I want, or if this is just my reaction to what I have been handed. I love the kids, I love the feeling of teaching I love watching them succeed and I love being the trusted adult they love and cherish. But then there are days I really ask myself if this is my niche. If this is what I'm "cut out" to do. I sometimes feel I do not have the characteristics a good teacher has.
I am so lacking in confidence.
'Ah, patience young one' you say. Is twenty-one old enough to know? Can 21 years of experience know anything? Am I taking a risk or am I settling? I feel content as long as I am doing. I am not settling or pretending to provide a happy life for myself and daughter. I am excited as hell to be in charge of my own room. I just hope I don't get bored of this like I do with things, like I do with jobs and people and so on.
Oh dearie me. Class all weekend. I'm excited, if only I could be a grown up twenty-one year old and have my homework all done. I'm learning. Always learning, trying, testing, failing, and trying again.
Friday, 26 February 2010
Friday, 5 February 2010
Emotional Trainwreck.
what.the.hell.should.I.do?
I can't stop thinking, even for a second about the choice I am faced with. Do I follow my head, again? Or, do I go with the romantic approach and go with what my heart so desperately wants? I am aching for some way to know what I should do.
I can't shake this feeling. I am on the verge of tears at any given moment, and I can say that I do not cry often.
It was never supposed to be this hard. I was not taught or prepared to deal with these kinds of scenarios. Instead I learned a bunch of pointless shit that does not help me one bit in making the biggest, hardest decisions of my life..
What the fuck is going on? I can't THINK. I can't breathe. I can't move in myself. I am so overwhelmed with life, and I can't even think clearly to sort it out.
I just don't know. I cannot find it in me to be positive when I can't even be sure of what kind of living, financial and relationship situation I will be in only 5 months. Everything is going to change.
I can't stop thinking, even for a second about the choice I am faced with. Do I follow my head, again? Or, do I go with the romantic approach and go with what my heart so desperately wants? I am aching for some way to know what I should do.
I can't shake this feeling. I am on the verge of tears at any given moment, and I can say that I do not cry often.
It was never supposed to be this hard. I was not taught or prepared to deal with these kinds of scenarios. Instead I learned a bunch of pointless shit that does not help me one bit in making the biggest, hardest decisions of my life..
What the fuck is going on? I can't THINK. I can't breathe. I can't move in myself. I am so overwhelmed with life, and I can't even think clearly to sort it out.
I just don't know. I cannot find it in me to be positive when I can't even be sure of what kind of living, financial and relationship situation I will be in only 5 months. Everything is going to change.
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