For the past few weeks I have been obsessed with Jason Mraz's Details in the Fabric. It's one of those songs that just reaches in and touches my soul. Seriously, the song is like crack.
I have been trying to sort out my emotions toward a certain someone, and it's somewhere between: what-the-hell?! and, I still love him. The latter is a huge problem because he does not love me back. Again. I don't know how, but I find myself in these situations where I would do anything for a guy and he just doesn't reciprocate the feeling. I know that. He knows that. He knows I know that. What.the.hell.is.wrong.with.me?
I have also been informed that I am self-centered. Twice in one week, by two completely different people thousands of miles apart. It must be true. Bad week for the ego and self-esteem alike.
One of the intern girls came over for dinner tonight. I was attempting to put up the Christmas tree when the bottom quarter of the lights refused to work. So I decided to go out and buy new ones and invited her for lasagne and salad. She's such a sweet girl. Nobody would ever call her self-centered... There I go comparing myself again. I should follow suit in the whole identifying myself thing. I fear I am far too dependent on other people to decifer what is really me. But, this blog is for me to really demonstrate individualism. To myself and all you random others who happen to stumble upon my page. I wonder what you think about me this far.
I occasionally hit that "next blog" button and have seen some incredible people doing amazing things with their lives. One couple retired and moved to Mexico, helping motherless puppies survive and fixing up an old mexican adobe house. Ahh, what it must be like to just pick up and go. One day.
I have so much to do and have an overwheming amount of anxiety to get it all done. Not enough hours in the day or enough dollars in the account. I hope I can make Christmas good, I wish my family and I were closer. There appears to be a negative amount of love in this house. If it weren't for my daugter, we'd all hate each other. How sad.
Can we say negativity?
I'm workin on it. Really.
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